I suppose this is really more than one topic, since it's definitely a multi-faceted issue with me (yes, that was a large word for a Saturday!) but I don't want to dwell on this stuff anymore than necessary. Unfortunately, whats necessary may actually be a complete mind overhaul as I seem to be in a constant mess recently.
January 2008, I was a 15 stone, veg-phobic, processed food eating PacWhale. My main nutrition was ice cream and chicken and maybe the odd bit of force fed carrot.
July 2009, I was a 10 stone vegetarian who'd had a complete lifestyle overhaul and realised there was a lot more to life than just food. Exercise could be fun and veggies are awesome!
September 2010, I was a 9 stone 9 runner, weighlifter, part time vegan, who ran her first half marathon and knew exactly how to work her body to get the most out of it. Mission complete!
Today, I'm lost. Yep. The weights going up, the exercise has stopped, the junk foods creeping in, I'm not even checking labels as thoroughly as a vegan should be. What gives?
It sounds ridiculous doesnt it, that things can change so much in the space of a few months. But clearly I managed to change things for the better in a relatively short time, so it's entirely feasible that things can spring back to change for the worse in a similar pattern.
I'm at least a half stone up on last September. Maybe even more by now, I've stopped daring to look. There's a notable number of inches gone on pretty much everywhere so most of my summer clothes don't actually fit (I bought new last year for my new life and got rid of all the older larger stuff) and I feel like an overstuffed sausage skin. Some days I look in the mirror and really do feel as round as Pacman!
Do I have the motivation to do anything about it? No.
I've not been running in months. I think I went for a run last month, but that was the first one in months too. The last time I had a training schedule that was stuck to was Septembers half marathon, since then there's been laziness, illness, christmas, more illness, more laziness, more laziness, less motivation, and now I'm actually scared to get back out there because I know I'll have to start right back with the basics. I feel like a total failure.
Do I have the motivation to do anything about it? No.
I've not done any weight training or core work in months either. I'm flabby all over, and it's definitely responsible for some of that inch gain. Being in a shared house has really impacted my ability to train at home, and being broke from saving has ended my ability to train anywhere else. I really enjoyed lifting, I enjoyed feeling strong, I enjoyed seeing the faintest hint of abs wanting to appear from under the surface.
Do I have the motivation to do anything about it? No.
I've not fully meal planned or tracked my meals properly in months. Sure, 95% of the time it's fully vegan (I'm not concerned over honey at this junction, so I won't go out of my way to avoid that. I ate cake the other week that had egg in it, but I didn't feel strong enough to refuse it. I don't check labels as well as I should because I don't always know what I'm looking for, but I make sure there's no dairy at least) so you would think 95% of the time it was healthy right? Wrong. As many times as I cook from scratch with healthy fresh ingredients, I bake something indulgent to cancel it out and then binge on the results while noone is looking. Seriously, I thought my disordered eating days were behind me but I actually contemplated throwing up to keep eating the other day. Even at the darkest points in my teens I never actually resorted to making myself sick, I found other outlets to 'poruify' myself of my sins. I guess I spent 2 years or more watching every calorie, watching the nutritional intake of the food for cleanness, and when everythign else stopped, the desire to do this stopped too. What started as the way to lose and keep the weight off became a burden, even though I know deep down it's the only way I'll get back on track.
Do I have the motivation to do anything about it? No.
Can you buy motivation? I could really do with some. But there's so many excuses in my mind for why this little thing is okay, or that little thing is okay, that all those little things add up and stop me from doing anything about anything. And thats totally wrong, isn't it.
Yes, I'm piss-broke right now and can't afford to train anywhere, but there are odd moments when the house is empty that I could train indoors if I really meant it.
Yes, I've lost all running fitness and will have to start from scratch, but thats only going to get worse every single week I don't start again.
Yes, getting active again seems a waste of time when I might be pregnant any minute and have to slow it down, but guess what, I'm not yet and we've been trying for 6 months so stop using it as an excuse.
Yes, it's a pain in the ass watching what I eat, but I can either do it now and have a clean conscience about where my food comes from and what it's doing to my body, or I can regret it later and wish I'd not been so stupid.
The question is, when it's all fallen down around you, where do you go to start piecing things back together again? Which of those things is the lynchpin that will help the others fall in to place? And how do you get any of them to sound worthwhile when you really don't feel like you care (but know you really do)?
Saturday 4 June 2011
Saturday 28 May 2011
Level 2: Update on the Maze
AKA our house purchase. Well, what is there to tell you from the last weeks events? Unfortunately, not very much, which has left me feeling rather negative about the whole thing for the time being.
The situation as it stands at our end is that we now have managed to cobble together the remaing £3000 we needed towards making the deposit 20% instead of 15%, and a little extra besides. It's sat there in bank and bonds waiting for us, which is quite a nice feeling!
We've estimated a total cost of £2000 for all the fees, of which we currently have £400, so we need to find another £1600 yet, but we're fairly optimistic we'll have that by the end of June. We're still in the situation that we won't have any flooring, but hopefully Pacman will either get a bunch of freelance work through or we'll be able to pull it together from overdraft facilities or parents, so we won't be walking on concrete forever.
It's a very strange feeling, being utterly broke and trying to live off the bare minimum, when you've actually got £26,500 sat in the bank. And knowing that so much money still isn't enough. I'd never imagined we'd ever have that much money in our entire lives! So to know it's not enough is actually quite disheartening, after working so hard for it.
Strange, isn't it.
Even more disheartening, is that we still have no idea whether we'll actually be able to go ahead with this purchase or not. Yep, you heard me. Despite the fact that we personally have been approved by the lender, despite the fact that we have this massive deposit together, despite the fact that we've already given notice at our rental property that we'll be gone on 26th July...
Because the contracts covering the covenant (we're obligated to resell at 90% of value as we're buying at 90% of value) haven't finished being drawn up yet, and due to that covenant our lender won't even think about touching the house until they've approved the wording. So whilst we're mortgageable, the property still might not be.
They're meant to be getting sent out this coming week but it just seems to me that this is going to end up being one enormous stress filled rush to get everything sorted in time for the scheduled completion date of mid July. I just don't see how it can be done!
We've also had to discuss what we'll do if this place isn't deemed mortgageable. While our IFA reckons the lenders will push the covenant to be reworded to their satisfaction (after all, the builders will have 15 properties they can't sell if noone is prepared to lend on them!), there is always the possibility that it could fall through.
As it stands right now, there's nothing else on the market that we're remotely interested in for our budget. So that leaves us looking for somewhere to rent for less than where we are now, and praying that being tied in to a contract there won't clash with the next place that comes up to buy. And that interest rates don't increase in the interim.
A lot of gambles going on over at Chez Pacman if this ends up being the case. A lot of gambles that the Pacmans don't want to take.
People, please cross everything you have that this is all going to magically sort itself out over the next week. I really don't know what to do if it doesn't come back as good news!
The situation as it stands at our end is that we now have managed to cobble together the remaing £3000 we needed towards making the deposit 20% instead of 15%, and a little extra besides. It's sat there in bank and bonds waiting for us, which is quite a nice feeling!
We've estimated a total cost of £2000 for all the fees, of which we currently have £400, so we need to find another £1600 yet, but we're fairly optimistic we'll have that by the end of June. We're still in the situation that we won't have any flooring, but hopefully Pacman will either get a bunch of freelance work through or we'll be able to pull it together from overdraft facilities or parents, so we won't be walking on concrete forever.
It's a very strange feeling, being utterly broke and trying to live off the bare minimum, when you've actually got £26,500 sat in the bank. And knowing that so much money still isn't enough. I'd never imagined we'd ever have that much money in our entire lives! So to know it's not enough is actually quite disheartening, after working so hard for it.
Strange, isn't it.
Even more disheartening, is that we still have no idea whether we'll actually be able to go ahead with this purchase or not. Yep, you heard me. Despite the fact that we personally have been approved by the lender, despite the fact that we have this massive deposit together, despite the fact that we've already given notice at our rental property that we'll be gone on 26th July...
Because the contracts covering the covenant (we're obligated to resell at 90% of value as we're buying at 90% of value) haven't finished being drawn up yet, and due to that covenant our lender won't even think about touching the house until they've approved the wording. So whilst we're mortgageable, the property still might not be.
They're meant to be getting sent out this coming week but it just seems to me that this is going to end up being one enormous stress filled rush to get everything sorted in time for the scheduled completion date of mid July. I just don't see how it can be done!
We've also had to discuss what we'll do if this place isn't deemed mortgageable. While our IFA reckons the lenders will push the covenant to be reworded to their satisfaction (after all, the builders will have 15 properties they can't sell if noone is prepared to lend on them!), there is always the possibility that it could fall through.
As it stands right now, there's nothing else on the market that we're remotely interested in for our budget. So that leaves us looking for somewhere to rent for less than where we are now, and praying that being tied in to a contract there won't clash with the next place that comes up to buy. And that interest rates don't increase in the interim.
A lot of gambles going on over at Chez Pacman if this ends up being the case. A lot of gambles that the Pacmans don't want to take.
People, please cross everything you have that this is all going to magically sort itself out over the next week. I really don't know what to do if it doesn't come back as good news!
Saturday 21 May 2011
Level 1: Laying the foundations
What am I doing here? Or possibly more to the point, what is this doing here?
Well, I think it's fair to say there's a lot going on in my life at the minute, and it's hit the point that I need an outlet, to release my thoughts and frustrations, to celebrate my successes, and to record the little things along the way that otherwise get forgotten about.
But back to the beginning, I suppose I should introduce myself.
Hi, I'm Mrs Pacman, married for 19 months to Pacman, and still living in a houseshare. Yep, we're living with other people. Not what you expect for newlyweds, hey?
Thought we'd have a little maze all of our own to wander round all day, right? Unfortunately not the case.
We're on the cusp of getting our own place, we've picked out the pad, put down a retainer, hit the mortgage advisers, and we need to find £3,000 more to get the deal we need. In 8 weeks. So understandably, the need to be frugal has just kicked in to overdrive.
We honestly believe we stand little chance of achieving it, but have you ever hit the point in your arcade game career where you just know you won't make it to the end of the level, but you're determined to go down all guns blazing? Well that's us, right now, determined to succeed or go out fighting.
I'm hoping to use this as a way to chronicle our daily savings, our progress on the house purchase, and vent my frustrations and challenges along the way. Something tells me it's not going to be easy.
I've also been veggie for 3 years since losing 5 stone after Pacman having a health scare, and trying to be vegan for 6 months or more now but with varying levels of success.
A very wise man once told me 'Live like Mrs Pacman, eats lots of cherries and go running every day so ghosts don't catch and kill you'.
Sound advice, I'm sure you'll agree. But advice I'm having trouble sticking to recently, I haven't been running in months and it's starting to show! I'll more than likely fill you in on my day to day eats as I try and keep track of my diet and health, as I don't want to put all the weight back on but I'm finding it very easy to comfort eat right now with all this stress.
Lets face it, Mrs Pacman doesn't just eat cherries, does she. There's also a lot of cake involved, and what's the nutritional content of a ghost these days too? Gotta be calorific!
And last but certainly not least, there's one thing we want more than a maze of our own, or an unlimited supply of fresh fruit to gobble. We want a Pacbaby.
Yup, Pacman Jr is on our radar and we hope to be bringing him to a maze near you very soon.
Unfortunately, we've been trying to create this little miracle since December already, and either our programming isn't right or there's a glitch in the system, as we just don't seem to be able to do it right.
With all the added pressure and financial stress of homebuying right now, Pacman would be happier if we stop trying to create another life right now and concentrate on us, but if you've ever been a broody yellow ball, you'll understand thats difficult to do. I'd probably attempt to mother those pesky little ghosts right now if they gave me the option!
So I'll more than likely want to use this space to update our progress (or lack of) in that respect too, I'll try and remember to label those posts as TMI so you can avoid them if you prefer.
Hope you'll join me as we try and level up!
~ Mrs Pacman
Well, I think it's fair to say there's a lot going on in my life at the minute, and it's hit the point that I need an outlet, to release my thoughts and frustrations, to celebrate my successes, and to record the little things along the way that otherwise get forgotten about.
But back to the beginning, I suppose I should introduce myself.
 |
| Clearly a true likeness! (source) |
Thought we'd have a little maze all of our own to wander round all day, right? Unfortunately not the case.
We're on the cusp of getting our own place, we've picked out the pad, put down a retainer, hit the mortgage advisers, and we need to find £3,000 more to get the deal we need. In 8 weeks. So understandably, the need to be frugal has just kicked in to overdrive.
 |
| Irrelevant, but cool house decor option. Awesome huh? (source) |
I'm hoping to use this as a way to chronicle our daily savings, our progress on the house purchase, and vent my frustrations and challenges along the way. Something tells me it's not going to be easy.
I've also been veggie for 3 years since losing 5 stone after Pacman having a health scare, and trying to be vegan for 6 months or more now but with varying levels of success.
A very wise man once told me 'Live like Mrs Pacman, eats lots of cherries and go running every day so ghosts don't catch and kill you'.
 |
| Unfortunately, I like my cherries on cake (source) |
Lets face it, Mrs Pacman doesn't just eat cherries, does she. There's also a lot of cake involved, and what's the nutritional content of a ghost these days too? Gotta be calorific!
And last but certainly not least, there's one thing we want more than a maze of our own, or an unlimited supply of fresh fruit to gobble. We want a Pacbaby.
 |
| Colour may vary! (source) |
Unfortunately, we've been trying to create this little miracle since December already, and either our programming isn't right or there's a glitch in the system, as we just don't seem to be able to do it right.
With all the added pressure and financial stress of homebuying right now, Pacman would be happier if we stop trying to create another life right now and concentrate on us, but if you've ever been a broody yellow ball, you'll understand thats difficult to do. I'd probably attempt to mother those pesky little ghosts right now if they gave me the option!
So I'll more than likely want to use this space to update our progress (or lack of) in that respect too, I'll try and remember to label those posts as TMI so you can avoid them if you prefer.
Hope you'll join me as we try and level up!
~ Mrs Pacman
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